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Your
reactions and my contributions
Ever since I first published this home page few months
ago I have received a lot of mail and met a lot of new people. Many of
you wanted to know what other people write to me about, what their problems
are and things like that. None of you (with one exception) would allow
me to publish their letter and my answer. In a way that's fine, since
I have been keeping in touch with many of you and we've been analyzing
our views on different things and our ways of dealing with our problems.
If I were to publish all these letters, they would become boring to all
the other visitors of these pages. Therefore I will only publish my opinions
on different subject which might be of some interest. Your reactionsThis is my favorite subject to write about. When I started publishing the first drafts of these pages last November, I never expected so much support and so many compliments. It's hard to admit, but there wasn't much criticism. When I published the page titled "They're not different at all" about a month later, there was even more support and absolutely no criticism. Nevertheless, when I read the paper during my morning coffee break, all I see is a whole lot if intolerance. They're constantly trying to convince us that Slovenian's are divided into two different poles, the "black" and the "red", one side being extremely intolerant and aggressive towards all the people who are in any way different and the other side being overly liberal, without any sense of ethics or morality. As it turns out this division is only a figment of imagination of the people who think that they rule our country. No, politics is a subject that doesn't belong to my web pages. The important thing is that those who are ťdifferentŤ have renewed their faith in better times through your reactions. Even though it was recently decided that same-sex marriages would not come about, that same-sex couples will only receive some legal benefits, it is not important that the government accepts this, it is important that the people accept it. And it seems there is an increasing number of people, who are willing to do so.
Most of my letters come from lonely people. They're people
of all ages, from teenagers to much older people. Both men and women are
lonely. But the only trait Lonely people often write that they look OK and that it's actually quite strange, that they can not find their partner. What we have here is a very typical way of thinking which tries to convince us that someone's visual appearance is of key importance to their popularity and to their success in finding the right partner. This line of thinking is being forced upon us from all sides. Just take a look at television soap operas and commercials. Have you noticed that the people in these representations are always somewhat plastic, synthetic, as though they were all just clones? They offer us different concoctions, from shampoos to anti-cellulite agents, so that we can look more attractive to other people (it's always about other people and their opinions about us!) and thus become more self-confident. But this is not how we become self-confident. Neither do we get friends by getting rid of the wrinkles around our eyes and on our behinds. This is only an illusion, which seems to obsess our modern society. Just look at the typical male in commercials, a successful businessman, young (as if old people were only to be discarded!), slim, with a face similar to that of a mannequin. And women who look like mere teenagers, as though that was every man's ideal. On top of that both the men and women in commercials seem as though they are programmed and just plain stupid. Lonely people often copy this pattern and become depressed, because their outward appearance doesn't measure up to these role models. They are unable to accept themselves as they are. They're always trying to become someone they are not. But this is only an act which usually only serves to repel others. Let us be what we are and like ourselves the way we are. It is impossible to explain all this in a few lines so I often recommend certain books dealing with this subject in a positive manner and which change our attitude towards life in a positive way. But people don't want to read and that's not good. We learn throughout our lives. If we stop learning we will remain on our present level forever. In my answers I can only bring people on the right path, but they have to continue on their own. I can lend support in your efforts and recommend this and that. But the important work is left up to you. You can only do this by learning and by testing what you've learned in real life. The results will be unbelievable.
You can take the above quote by Peter Mlakar somewhat seriously and somewhat jokingly. There is significant lack of knowledge on this subject among Slovenian women as well as Slovenian men. We have very narrowly defined limits to our sexual behavior. Although we are quite tolerant towards other people, we often try too hard to be "normal" when it comes to us. Most people are even afraid of their own sexual fantasies and are often unwilling to admit them even to themselves. Men and women are quite similar in that respect but men seem to be able to rid themselves of their sexual preconceptions more easily and find it easier to talk about sex. Men often complain to me that they are unable to relax sexually with their wives, because their wives are so inhibited. Some even go as far as to excuse their inhibitions by claiming that it's all a question of morality and deem sex to be a necessary duty. It is interesting that even educated people face these problems and not in small numbers either. Obviously the environmental impact is key here, as is the case with loneliness. It is mostly men who write to me about these problems, but there are a few female exceptions proving the rule. Mostly they say that they love their partner, but their love is restrained by sexual inhibitions. Many of them even contemplate trying their luck with someone else. These relationships are on the line. We must start learning more about sex, although we may feel that we already know everything. There is a whole number of books on the subject, but most of them are too ideologically oriented, even though they often try to hide this fact. Many therapists advise against certain sexual practices (even though they hurt no one), possibly because they have never tried them themselves or because they are unconsciously prisoners of religious or moral codes. Therefore we must read these books with a certain amount of reserve, but they can be very informative if we are capable of discerning the line between science and prejudice. Personally I agree with Peter Mlakar, but I would like to add that Slovenian men and women should watch porn movies together in bed, without their clothes on. They should fling their moral prejudice and fears out the window. And the limits? As far as I am concerned there aren't any unless we are talking about violence and the sexual abuse of children.
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Being "different"
Intolerance towards so called "differences" is actually
a manifestation of a fear of ourselves. Each person is unique in some
way, hence different from other people. In the same way that we have different
faces and bodies, we also differ in our sexuality. I think it's beautiful
that people love each other no matter what their sex. Lifestyles aren't tied only to our sexual orientation. I
also get letters from interesting people who live in keeping with their
unusual lifestyle philosophies. I would like to
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